Shirley Gnome: Children – You Can’t Beat ‘Em

Shirley Gnome is a singer who has spent sixteen years performing songs about adult topics. Even though she’s been doing this for a long time, she’s never had a big hit. That changes when a video of her at a music festival, looking a bit “out of it”, gets posted on TikTok by a teenager. The video quickly goes viral. A popular TikTok creator named DJ BBKn0$e turns the video into a song that becomes a huge hit with kids – the next “Baby Shark.” Suddenly, Shirley finds herself famous with a new, younger audience. She decides to go along with it to make more money. She’s invited to perform at an elite private school, hoping this new direction will finally pay off. But things quickly fall apart. The kids are confused by the songs, and her lyrics raise disturbing questions that no child (or parent) is ready for. Through this experience, Shirley starts to reflect on her fears about the world, the future, and the kind of planet we’re leaving behind. What starts as a cash grab gig turns into something deeper — a challenge to modern despair. Let’s be clear: this is not a real kids’ show. It’s satire. Please do not bring your children. Seriously.

 

Credits

Written by – Shirley Gnome and Becky Johnson

Performed by Shirley Gnome

Featuring the voices of:

Shirley Gnome

featuring the voices of

Bunnie Gnome

Duckie Gnome

Boden Fear

Leigh Cameron

Ursa Folinsbee

Vanilla Frog

Olive Merkin Knowles

Maximilian Thunder Chevalier Shortt

Ryan Beil

Becky Johnson

Story by Becky Johnson and Shirley Gnome

Music and Lyrics by Shirley Gnome

 

Accessibility

Content warnings: Adult language, sexual content, drugs or alcohol use, depictions of violence: references to corporal punishment, death, war.

Sensory warnings: Loud noises, audience interaction/participation

About the Artist

Shirley Gnome – Playwright/Composer

Shirley Gnome is a Juno-nominated comedian, songwriter and vocalist based out of Vancouver BC/Montreal QC. She is celebrated for performing folk, rock, pop, and country with satirical subject matter and stunning vocals. Her witty, hilarious lyrics tackle topics both silly and provocative, captivating audiences with playful and biting content. Gnome has earned rave reviews and accolades in five countries. She’s performed at Melbourne International Comedy Festival, Philadelphia Folk Festival, Woodford Folk Festival, JFL Vancouver, Winnipeg Comedy Festival and more. Gnome has been featured on CBC Radio’s The Debaters, CBC Gem, and Sirius XM, and is signed with Comedy Here Often? Records. In 2021, her album Decoxification earned a Juno Award nomination. In 2024, she made her television debut at the Winnipeg Comedy Festival’s TV galas. Her latest album, Live Bare & Natural, was released on March 27th, 2025, along with her accompanying comedy special.

Becky Johnson – Playwright

Becky Johnson is a veteran of the Canadian comedy scene currently based in Toronto. She is an alumna of the Toronto Second City Mainstage, has created and toured her own scripted and improvised shows internationally and has appeared in iconic Canadian plays including the European premiere of Daniel MacIvor’s A Beautiful View and the world premiere of Sheila Heti’s All Our Happy Days Are Stupid. Becky has been nominated for seven Canadian Comedy Awards and has won two. On screen, Becky can be found in Baroness Von Sketch Show (Frantic Films/IFC), What We Do In The Shadows (FX), Workin’ Moms (CBC), Gary and His Demons (Blue Ant/Look Mom), Odd Squad (PBS/Sinking Ship), The Beaverton (Comedy Network/Pier 21 Films), Space Riders: Division Earth (CTV Extend/Hulu), The Amazing Gayl Pile (CBC/LaRue Entertainment) and more. Becky has won two Canadian Screen Awards for writing on Baroness Von Sketch Show and has also contributed to Because News (CBC Radio One) and This Hour Has 22 Minutes (CBC). She is currently developing several scripted projects of her own.